Call Centre Purgatory!

Sisyphus and Wu Gang had it easy.

All throughout the US I had access to the interweb via my phone.

Unlimited talk, text and data for $60 US per month (thanks MetroPCS). My monthly max is somewhere over 150 GB (excluding Netflix which is non-metered) and despite their advertised Ts & Cs they never once slowed my data speed.

They even allow me to use it as a hotspot for up to 11 GB, bringing the laptop (blogging) and ipad (AFL games) into use as required.

Brilliant plan.

Reliable, cheap, pretty good coverage (other than expected places like the middle of the desert!)

They even have an option to include both Canada and New Mexico for $5/mth! No roaming charges, no limits – just $5 per month!

It’s a no-brainer – I paid up the extra 5 bucks and across the border I headed.

Everything worked perfectly fine in Niagara Falls (Canadian side), but started dropping out once I moved on.

Phone signal was solid –  I could call, but data will not connect. I don’t care about calls or texts (very few frinds this way), it’s the data that’s vital to me. Maps. Around me. Google.

It’s weird so I ring the Help/Call Centre.

After the usual script and trouble shooting (which reveal nothing wrong with my handset settings) they tell me they have to do a reset at their end, and that data should be back up within an hr or two.

2 hours later presto – data back up. Pretty good outcome, despite the 45 mins it takes on the phone.

Next day – data is gone again. I figure it might just be a location issue, but when I get to Toronto and there is no data I worry.

After last night’s comedy gala I had made my way to the nearest Lowe’s Home Improvement carpark.

Forget Walmart, the free internet at Lowe’s is faster, stronger signal and ubiquitous (some Walmarts don’t have wifi, cheeky buggers!)

In the morning I check again – still no data. Using Lowe’s free wifi I obtain the location of my nearest cell tower – it’s less than 100m away so it’s not a location issue.

Call MetroPCS again. Same script, same trouble shooting. Manually change the APN to a new address, after which they tell me I have to power recycle my phone. I’m using my phone to call so this means I’m effectively hanging up and if this doesn’t work I’ll have to call back. I’m very wary but have no option. (Call time 52 mins)

You can guess – the power re-cycle didn’t work so its once more into the breach my friends.

This time I use Skype (in case I have to do anything to my phone again)

The new operator runs through the script again and wants to do trouble shooting which I decline. I suggest they do a reset at their end as before. Call centre guy is unsure what that means (not in his script apparently). I ask to talk to a supervisor. Wait 30 mins. Supervisor reached. Says he will arrange reset and I’m to wait another 2 hrs for data to be re-connected. (Call time 57 mins)

Wait 2 hours. Still no data.

Call back again on Skype. I try to bypass script as quickly as possible and ask for supervisor. Put on hold. 20 mins later supervisor picks up the call. I explain the backstory. She is puzzled but has run out of ideas. Ask for manager. Put on hold again. Whilst on hold Skype drops out. (Call time 1 hr 3 mins)

AAAARGGH!

Start process again. Script. Attempt to bypass. Supervisor. Manager. Finally get to one who is actually pretty good. He does an internal check, changes a few things and lo and behold data comes back up. Immediately.

I’m grateful, he explains the “fix” is not official, but something he has learned as a possible issue from years of experience. Glad I got him and not anyone else. (Call time 1 hr 7 mins)

30 mins later data disappears again.

I just want to punch something. Throw a tanty. Chuck my phone against a brick wall.

Instead I take a deep breath.

Call back. Backstory to avoid script. Request Supervisor. On Hold. Call drops out! (call time 37 mins – at least this one was quick!)

Call back (on phone). Backstory to avoid script. Request Supervisor. On Hold. 20 mins later get supervisor. Told that we have exhausted all possible options so have to refer to second level. Turnaround time approx 3- 5 bus days!

Request to have them to prioritise my call. I am told this is impossible. Ask to escalate to manager. No manager available (I internally call BS).

Politely explain that at some level there is a person who can pick up a phone, call the 2nd level team and ask them to look at my call urgently – business are made up of humans not automated queues. Explanation is not accepted. Mild discussions ensue.

Eventually decide better option is to simply wait the 3-5 bus days – I’ve now spent somewhere in the vicinity of 6 hours on the phone today and enough is enough. (Call time 1 hr 36 mins)

Leave a very frustrated and unhappy customer.

Go drink and use pub wifi.

Fast forward 5 days.

I receive a text from MetroPCS (I assume their 2nd level team) advising me that they have resolved my issue. Huzzah!

Which would be great if it wasn’t a big fat lie. Still no data.

It takes another day to summon up the grit, patience and civility required for yet another round of call centre shennanigans.

Call back. Backstory to avoid script. Request Supervisor. On Hold. Supervisor picks up phone.

Long conversation ensues with helpful critiques of, and suggestions how to improve, their business practices, inability to escalate, no follow up calls to customers,  no check that their “solution” works before removing me from the 2nd level queue etc.

All done patiently (as best as any human can in the circumstances).

Supervisor suggests that I find a Canadian carrier whilst here as they cannot fix the problem!

Their ultimate solution is to give up and send a customer away.

Offers to give me credit for the days I have not had data which they calculate at around $8!

Not good enough.

Goes away to check. Comes back with an offer of $10 credit. I’m serious, I waited 10 mins for a $2 offer upgrade!

Politely indicate that I am not satisfied with the offer. Put on hold again. 20 mins later comes back and offers to credit me for this month and next month (I had paid both in advance).

I’m moderately placated. Am asked for the credit card details with which I paid my account so they can issue credit (not sure why they don’t already have that in their records, but still) As I’m confirming the details the call drops out! (Call time 1 hr 53 mins)

I give up. Go drink. Heavily.

Spend the next 24 hours investigating Canadian data plans. They are abysmal.

The big providers (Bell, Telus, Rogers) offer nothing more than 10 GB – at around $130/mth plus 5c or so per MB (around $5/GB) based on $100 GB that would mean a monthly pay of around $600! And these are post- paid – prepaid are limited to around 1-2 GB/month and same excess charges.

Smaller carriers who offer unlimited data have no coverage outside of major cities.

Investigate a mobile internet device at a Bell store  – up front $200 bucks, includes 10 GB of data, and 5c/MB after that. No ongoing monthly charges though.

Seriously, I’m stuffed.

Opt for the mobile internet plan as the cheapest of all my options, only to be told halfway through them processing the onscreen application that this a post paid contract. NOT prepaid.

That means I will need a Canadian credit card to do a credit check on me. Despite them knowing I’m an Australian travelling.

I politely thank them for their time.

Leave. Go Drink and ponder options.

Option ROCK – around $100/mth for 2 GB of data which I will use in 2 days simply with maps!

Option HARD PLACE – continue without data, relying on Starbucks, Walmart and other free wifi to take screenshots, plan days in advance etc.

I’m about to give up when I come up with a last ditch solution.

Maybe if I factory reset/wipe my phone and start again….

I back everything up to all my clouds – Google, Samsung, Apple.

Check backups.

Twice.

Factory reset the phone.

With nothing installed other than the base Telstra operating system, I call MetroPCS and ask for the APN details etc to manually add them to the phone.

Enter them into my settings and lo and behold I’m alive.

Data works and continues to work, albeit with the slightly frustrating penchant to go from full signal and data to No Service/Signal (not even phone) every so often for no apparent reason (which resolves itself within a min or two each time).

As far as I’m concerned this is a massive win.

Moral(s) of the story:

1. The old “have you tried turning it off and turning it back on”  solution is more effective than you may think.
2. If you ever write a call centre script, do not include phrases such as “I can understand how you feel, but rest assured we will fix your problem today”. Repeated ad nauseum, such meaningless platitudes will eventually result in the complete and utter breakdown of your customer’s patience and lead to, well….
3. Please don’t offshore your call centre. Unless of course you ignore #2 above, in which case the more physical distance between you customer and you, the bettter
4. Don’t ever own a mobile device in Canada.

Just as well Toronto has a decent beer scene.